Binger?

I've been pretty healthy most of my life and haven't really struggled with having massive amounts of weight to lose but i do struggle with having a love/hate relationship with food. And by love/hate i mostly mean LOVE.   For me, food has always been a "treat". Have a bad day at work..."treat" yourself with something you shouldn't eat. Have a fight with someone you love...eat your feelings. Feeling bad about yourself...one/ten more oreos will make it better.  

I'm not sure how this mind set came about for me. I grew up with lots of "food=comfort" type experiences. I am certainly not blaming  anyone for giving me food issues because I really do believe that you can cook up a big batch of love in the kitchen for someone and it can make them feel better. My mom's fried chicken strips mended many o' teenage heartbreaks in my life. However, the reality is that the act of caring for the hurting person is really the cure for the heartache not the totally delicious bowl of homeade "eat this, you'll feel so much better" soup. 

I have tried for a while now to change the way I see food, but the reality is I still have times in my life where food is not just fuel for my body but a way to escape or cover up a feeling of inadequecy, sorrow, shame or even hopelessness.  The crazy thing about this is I should really know better at this point. I have had binges, I know what they feel like. They NEVER make me feel better or make the underlying feelings disappear, so how can I stop this destruction of my body and mind.  Is there ever a cure for just wanting to eat the whole box of cereal vs a regular portion?  Strangely enough for me the only thing that has helped me is by counting my macros, weighing and tracking what goes in my mouth. It is a sense of control and more than that I have learned so much about how to fuel my body with what I eat. I dont deprive myself of the things I want but I am smart about how I fit them into my daily intake. Like I said before I have never been in the position of needing to lose a lot of weight, but I am in the position of wanting to change my body composition.  I think many people out there are in this boat. Dont have abs, want them.  No booty, want one. Stong arms, gotta have 'em. I never understood the extreme importance of the specific foods we need to achieve these goals and the length of time it takes to achieve them.  Many hours of reading and learning have finally got my mind set in a better place. Am I free of my feelings of needing to binge? No.  But every day I am learning a way to control it and it is happening less and less. If I can encourage you to do one thing to change your life it would be to pay attention to what you put in your mouth. You may find that you aren't eating enough.  Or maybe you didnt realize how much you were eating. Either way I think that while my issues with food often come from emotion and usually you have to takle the emotion first and find the root cause, for me has worked the opposite way.  Start with the actual act of eating and see the power you have to change your body and well being, then you can gain the confidence to change whats happening on the inside.   

Disclaimer: this post was written on my iphone. Please dont judge me by my lack of perfect grammar or spelling.